Divorce & Separation 11: Being Kind

Often when we think about being kind, we picture doing an altruistic act for someone else. And while this is most certainly being kind, how often do we picture being kind as something we can be to ourselves? When we are going through separation and divorce, the grief can make us feel unworthy of kindness. Our new circumstances can alienate us from people we care about for many different reasons. The mental anguish can leave us depleted and exhausted.

We need to be kind to ourselves and should not feel the need for permission to do so.

When we are kind to ourselves, we actually begin to rebuild ourselves, one day at a time.

What if you’ve never practiced true, self-care? What if you feel, after everything that has happened, you don’t even know who you are anymore? What if everything feels like a burden?

Just keep it simple, start with one kind, healthy act, for yourself at a time.

If you have trouble deciding, perhaps think back to when you were single and what you liked to do.

Here are some easy ideas to get you going:

Buy a new book to read.

Enjoy a movie.

Cook or buy something delicious for dinner.

Take a soak in the tub, or a long hot shower.

Get outside for a walk, jog, bike riding, gardening or just to soak up the rays.

Put nice, clean, crisp linen on your bed.

Buy yourself something nice.

Go for a drive or visit a neighbour.

Play your favourite songs on repeat.

Try a diet cleanse.

Fill your home with beautiful fragrances.

Go see a game with a friend.

Explore your creativity.

Start a new, small project with one of your giftings: For example; build something, knit a scarf, crochet, practice some new songs to play or sing, learn some new recipes to cook, propagate some plants, declutter or reorganise a room, make-over some old furniture, write your friends some handwritten letters and post them, get a new pet.

And if at any stage you feel you’d like to get to know yourself better by trying something new, do it! Take a class, join a group – online or in person, just have a go.

Remember to keep it simple and not feel guilty about being kind to yourself. I’m not talking about spending thousands of dollars on anything elaborate, you really need to be emotionally secure before making significant changes which includes spending a lot of money. What you need is gentleness and kindness more than ever. During times when we grieve loss, sometimes we need more support and love than is readily available from other due to many, many different reasons – you however can love and be kind to yourself at any time, each day.

Peace be with you.