Divorce and Separation: 2. Confusion Part One

A really difficult component to the early stages of grief and loss is confusion. Such a huge change in our personal lives takes a toll on our well-being. While we grapple in and out and even simultaneously through the early stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining and depression, alongside there is the consistent thread of confusion.

This is not to say we won’t have times of clarity, and even moments of joy and happiness…but there is mostly long, unrelenting waves of confusion.

Questions which play over and over in our minds, as there often is no clear answers. Black and white is sought for and even longed for, yet there is so much grey. We long for clear, crisp answers but we’re left with blurred lines. Even after our eyes are long dried from tears, the brain fog permeates our mind so thickly; it’s hard at times to even remember the fine details.

We are left wanting.

Wanting answers.

Wanting clarity.

Wanting to be fully seen and heard.

Wanting to be vindicated.

Wanting to be held.

Wanting to know that everything will be okay.


For me personally, alongside the unanswered questions which are so many, my confusion often revolves around the question, “how have I even ended up here?”

You see, I am quite an organised, logical, and careful person, so it takes quite a bit for me to let someone in close intimately and marriage for me, means the other person becoming my family…and after Jesus, I believe family is the greatest gift. Therefore I am confused as to how someone I’ve trusted deeply and intimately, could betray their family?


I question myself, “How could I have let this happen?” and I am left confused with no clear answer.

In the early stages of grief the confusion looks like this:

Denial: “I just don’t understand, how can this be happening?”

Anger: “I just don’t understand, how could I have let this happen?”

Bargaining: “How could I have let this happen, if only I had tried harder?”

Depression: “how could I have let this happen, there’s no hope for me.”


In the midst of raw pain and confusion, there is only source of consistent truth which will not wound us further and that is scripture.

People come with flaws, even those who are well intended. Oftentimes those who remain close to us in times of trouble are feeling our hurt too, and can say things which only add fuel to our confusion fire.

Yet one thing remains, and that is The Word of God.

So look up, dear friend. Look up to Jesus and listen to what He has to say to you in the Bible.

Believe me in time the confusion and brain fog will clear. 

You may not ever have the answers to your unanswered questions, but I promise you will have peace, joy, hope and love which comes from The One who only gives good gifts to His children. 

His gifts are worth so much more. 

His Word is indeed healing balm.

Peace be with you.

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