One Thing Remains

Often when we think about being kind, we picture doing an altruistic act for someone else. And while this is most certainly being kind, how often do we picture being kind as something we can be to ourselves? When we are going through separation and divorce, the grief can make us feel unworthy of kindness. Our new circumstances can alienate us from people we care about for many different reasons. The mental anguish can leave us depleted and exhausted. We need to be kind to ourselves and should not feel the need for permission to do so. When we are kind to ourselves, we actually begin to rebuild ourselves, one day at a time. What if you’ve never practiced true, self-care? What if you feel, after everything that has happened, you don’t even know who you are anymore? What if everything feels like a burden? Just keep it simple, start with one kind, healthy act, for yourself at a time. If you have trouble deciding, perhaps think back to when you were single and what you liked to do. Here are...

When going through separation and divorce, coming to terms with broken trust is very challenging. It takes time and work, to process the relationship in the light of what you now know. It's so difficult to think about what you thought to be truth and reality, to be actually false. When the true nature of someone you intimately trusted is revealed, everything changes. Perhaps the betrayal you face is not as deep as some experience, but I'm sure it is still challenging. Even when someone walks away and you have no concrete answers as to why, the shock alone is enough to shatter your trust and faith in that person. While we know, after experiencing broken trust from a marriage, it can take a long time to be able to trust others again, what I wasn't aware of was the process I would need to go through to be able to fully trust myself again. This isn't because I cheated or anything like that, I found it difficult to trust myself (along with others) again because I needed to t...

Before we make it completely through to the acceptance and hope stage of the grief and loss cycle, we must come to terms with our new reality. Our thoughts will gradually move from processing what transpired between us and a person we thought we’d live with forever. Our thoughts when we take the time to be still, can become newly dominated by processing ideas about what our life will possibly look like now as single person. For some people it may be exciting and liberating. For others daunting and scary. And for others still, perhaps even a combination as they may swing from one extreme to the other at different times. An important part of this stage is working through your new personal issues that will arise, so you can reconstruct the way you cope, to move forward in a healthy way. Issues can be broad and individual depending on unique factors such as; where you live, your personal support network, gender, age, if you have children or not, if you’re employed, your education, local av...

  Practice – Patience – Positivity – Prayer – Perseverance When the finality of separation and divorce settles within you it can be exceedingly difficult to move forward with your life with a healthy and free approach. Negative emotions and thoughts can overwhelm you with dread and uncertainty. This negativity can even become debilitating. While it is not an easy time in your life, there are only two choices once everything has completely finished in a relationship. The first, to give in to the negativity which leads to continued depression, or the second, working and living through the negativity and striving towards a healthy and positive acceptance. The five ‘P’ pillars are a helpful guide to remember and focus upon during this period of extreme hardship. They are; practice, patience, positivity, prayer and perseverance and I would like to give some practical tips in regards to these pillars. PRACTICE: Practice means showing up to life every day. Okay, so there may be occasio...